The Dark Side of the Moon
by Michelle H. C. Zhu
Summary: [On perpetual hiatus] Old habits die hard, relationships aren't built overnight, and the road to true love is always rocky and jagged. Falling down only means you have to get up quicker. But try to explain that to Manjyome Jun. [Yaoi; rape]
1. Act I: Letter

Lovingly dedicated to Spirit Summoner AKA Summo-chan.

* * *

_You mean so much to me, Manjyome. You just don't realize it. All my friends mean a lot to me but you're somebody unique. _

He paused and reread the words he just wrote. Juudai sighed after a moment and placed his pencil down on the desk. How cheesy those words sounded. He formed a cradle with his knuckles and rested his chin on it while gazing at the white wall in front of him. The half-written letter lying on the desk was formed out of the confusion and anxiety from his recent turn of sentiments. Ever since the new school year started, he had developed a new feeling. Juudai didn't know what to classify it as but Manjyome was involved with it somehow. Juudai being Juudai wasn't one to think or mull over things so he concluded that if he just wrote down his mass clutter of emotions and gave it to the spiky-haired boy, maybe all the perplexity would go away.

Except it was harder than it seemed.

"I don't know what to say," he murmured softly to the wall as if the room had ears and would listen to his secrets. "I'm afraid I might scare him if I gush out too much…" Juudai frowned and placed the tip of the pencil to his mouth. What was he going to say? What was he **trying **to say? "…maybe I should just write what I really feel. No hurt in that, I guess."

'_Let your heart guide your words,'_ was a famous quote he had read in a book. Yes. His heart. Not his stomach. Juudai took a deep breath and organized his thoughts and emotions. He closed his eyes. How did he feel…?

Well, he felt warm inside when he thought about Manjyome and every fiber of his being tingled when he was around the other boy's presence. He loved cheering his –san da chant along side him, he loved taking constant visits to his room, and he never, _ever _minded serving extra detentions with Manjyome. Manjyome was an inspiration to him and though he seemed cold and angry, Juudai knew that was just an act he put up in order to avoid being hurt once more. Manjyome was really a nice person inside. Juudai opened both eyes, smiling. That was perfect. He felt his frustration disappear and his heart soar with newly discovered inspiration. He dabbed the tip of the pencil onto his tongue and wrote down everything he just gathered in his mind.

_I watch you and I feel inspired. You have strength like nobody else, and you're funny and you're cool._ _I don't know what I think about you but it's a feeling like no other._ _You motivate me to try my hardest and when I look at you, I feel all goofy._

There was no shame in writing this down. It was the **truth**, after all. Juudai didn't think Manjyome was dense enough to not accept the truth.

"I just wish I knew what this feeling was…" he murmured sheepishly to nobody.

He wasn't good at sorting out his feelings—it wasn't his area of expertise. Juudai was good at dueling and eating and overall relaxing but other than that, he got confused easily. And girls confused him the most.

He remembered Rei. After their duel, she had left the island on that huge boat, waving and shouting how much she loved him. It confused him. Rei was really sweet and adorable too, but why would she be in love with a guy like him? Rei didn't even get to know him for more than one day before proclaiming her everlasting love. Then the brunette thought back to the president of the tennis club, Ayanokouji Mitsuru, and their duel to become Asuka's fiancée. He had won as always but afterwards Asuka yelled at him and called him an idiot for not understanding the conditions of the duel. Even after all this time he **still** didn't know what a fiancée was. There was also that time Misawa and one of the Seven Star Assassins, specifically Taniya, had a duel. Misawa was so badly messed up after that match and he was the one who had to step in and make him regain his sense back!

(Sara…erm…ok, she was cute…)

(As for Camilla…well, he wouldn't go there.)

Girls were truly an area of bafflement for him. Juudai really liked Rei, thought Taniya was cool, (…not talking about Sara), (...still not going into Camilla), and treasured Asuka dearly but when things started to get into that love stuff, he chose to stay away from it. It got confusing and Juudai was not one who enjoyed using his brain.

But wait… Didn't Manjyome tell Asuka he loved him?

Juudai bit his lip. Now **THAT** he truly didn't understand! Manjyome didn't seem the type to open up to anybody but apparently he spilled his feelings to Asuka after stealing the seven spirit keys and challenging her to a love duel.

"…so Manjyome told Asuka he loved her…then he dueled her…she told him she only loved dueling…and Manjyome lost another duel…and he was _dumped_?"

The wall stared unresponsively back at him. 'Dumped' was a term Fubuki often used. Juudai used to think 'dumped' meant dumping fish into soup or dumping books into a locker but when Fubuki used the word, he made it sound as if it was a negative thing. Come to think of it, Fubuki had explained specifically—

—_dumped means that the guy, or in your case, the **girl** you like doesn't like you back," Fubuki explained all-knowingly. "In this way, you're dumped. Forgotten. Broken. Thrown away. Scattered into the wind like leaves off a branch." _

_This served to disturb Juudai. Being dumped sounded like a scary thing to go through._ "_Have you ever been dumped before?" he asked curiously._

_The surfer smirked and ran a hand through his dark brown hair. "Me, dumped? Nah…the Blizzard Prince **does **the dumping, not the other way around!" _

_Juudai sweatdropped. "Right."_

"_Well…do you understand now?"_

_He nodded sheepishly. "I suppose I do—_

—alright, that was a lie. He didn't have a clue what Fubuki had said. No matter what angle he looked at it, love was confusing to him. What did Fubuki mean by 'the girl you like' anyway? Juudai didn't like girls. After all, they confused him like love confused him.

Confusing. Confusing. Confusing.

Yes. Worst of all, he was in love with Manjyome who was in love with Asuka who was in love with dueling. Well, Juudai loved dueling and dueling loved him back so did that mean Asuka was dumped? …or at least, Juudai_ thought_ he was in love with Manjyome. A sigh escaped his lips. This was confusing. His brain couldn't process any more information lest it exploded on the spot. He might as well just write whatever came to mind and wish that everything worked out the way it should.

"I just hope Manjyome doesn't think I'm crazy after reading this…or _dump_ me…or whatever."

Juudai hunched over the table and began to scribble some more words.

_Even if you seem mean and nasty sometimes, I know that you're really a nice guy inside. You just need to loosen up. Do you remember what I told you the first couple of times we dueled? It's not always about winning. Sometimes you just need to have fun…_

Brown eyebrows furrowed together and he racked his brain for an appropriate way to conclude his letter in a sensible, evenhanded way so that Manjyome would understand the message he was trying to get through to him after reading it. Juudai jotted down a few more sentences.

_I'm glad you chose me to be your rival. I don't know what made me worthy but I feel special. We'll duel one day and maybe then I'll figure out all the answers. _

Juudai smiled as he wrote his last sentence.

_Duels solve everything, don't you think? _

He was about to fold up the letter into a small rectangle when a thought suddenly hit him. Dueling. He didn't want to finish off his letter with dueling. It made it sound too much like another subliminal offer to request a match. Juudai's smile turned into a frown. He erased his last sentence and blew away the eraser shavings. There was a pause.

"Ah…"

Now what was he going to write? No. That wasn't the right question. The right question was what did most people sign their letters with? Juudai swam back into his mental rolodex and picked through some of his older memories which mostly consisted of cartoons and doodles of Duel Monsters. Now what? He thought a little longer before jotting a few words down. Just as he finished curling the loop to the last 'r', there was a pounding on the door.

"**ANIKIII**! Come down 'cause it's dinnertime-su!"

His eyes lit up in glee. That meant fried shrimp! Juudai quickly folded up the letter and shoved it into his pocket before leaping out of his chair with unexpected enthusiasm. He opened the door and flashed a grin at Shou who was waiting there for him. Together, they headed towards the Osiris cafeteria.

"Do you want to check out the astronomy tower later-su?"

"Astronomy tower?" Juudai repeated, surprised. "We have an astronomy tower on this island?"

"Well, Kabayama-sensei mentioned it today in class-su. Wait…you fell asleep again, _didn't_ you?"

Juudai retaliated with an innocent look. "What? Huh? _Of course _I wasn't sleeping…"

"Oh, Aniki…" Shou sighed but smiled nonetheless. "So you want to go—wait. _Darn_, I almost forgot! I have to meet with Kenzan-kun! Never mind, you'll have to go there yourself-su."

He shook his head. "Nah, I'll wait for you. There's no fun without going with my best friends!"

"But Kenzan-kun and I have to eat dinner with Kabayama-sensei tonight," Shou protested. "We promised to visit once a week and he **is** our dorm master, after all. But that doesn't mean can't go with somebody else like, umm, Manjyome-kun!"

"Eh?"

"Yeah!" Shou nodded furiously. "He's still here. Just go with him instead. I don't want you to be lonely when both Kenzan-kun and I are out tonight!"

"I won't be lonely. Promise," Juudai reassured him with a grin. _Not with Manjyome, at least._

"Well that's good. I'll tell you how to get to the astronomy tower. Go past the forest located on the eastern side of the campus and start climbing that rocky pathway that leads to the volcano. The only thing is that you have to take a **left** halfway up and you'll find yourself walking some stairs. Did you get all of that?"

"Umm…was Manjyome listening in class too?"

"_Aniki_!"

Juudai laughed. "I'll remember, I'll remember!"

"Mou, I sure hope so. Well…here we are." Juudai and Shou stopped at the front entrance of the cafeteria. "Well I gotta go, so bye now-su!"

"Catch you later!"

Shou waved at him and disappeared into darkness. Juudai watched the blue-haired boy leave and smiled before walking into the dining hall. Manjyome was sulking in the cafeteria at his usual table in the corner. His head snapped up as Juudai ran over to him and slowed down into a stop in front of his table.

"_What_."

Juudai beamed widely and shoved a piece of paper into his hand.

Manjyome blinked, bewildered by his impulsive action. "What do you—" he was cut off when Juudai placed a finger over his lips and shook his head frantically.

"_Not here_!" he whispered; the anxiety was thick in his voice. "Read it when you get back into your room!"

Manjyome regarded him with a wary look but slipped the note into his coat pocket. "You're such a weirdo," he commented tonelessly.

Juudai continued beaming, unaffected by his negative remark. "…hey, um, Manjyome?" he asked, looking nervous and excited all at once. "What did Kabayama-sensei assign us for homework? And um, you want to get some exercise or something? Maybe look at some stars or something?"

Both of them knew Juudai** never** asked about homework assignments, he hated exercising, and astronomy was the last thing on his list of interesting things to do during evenings. There was a hidden message between his words; Juudai flashed a grin at Manjyome in silent invitation and Manjyome glared at the brunette for a moment, comprehending his message. Then he set his chopsticks down and stood up. Manjyome turned a heel and took a few steps towards the door before looking over his shoulder in an indifferent sort of manner.

"You coming or not?"

* * *

Juudai was so utterly lost. The two of them were sitting on the second level inside the astronomy tower where a large portion of the roof was removed so that moonlight could enter though. It was the new moon so there was no moonlight on this particular night, but it was still wonderful to be sitting under the silky night sky, looking at a breathtaking view with no one else around. The scenery was gorgeous, the atmosphere was romantic, and Juudai couldn't have asked for a better chance to finally tell Manjyome his true feelings.

The only problem was Juudai didn't want to take this chance.

Perhaps it had to do with the fact he was still recovering from when Manjyome had fallen on top of him on their way to the astronomy tower. Juudai was walking in front of him when the spiky-haired boy tripped over a rock jutting out from the pathway and crashed into him just as he was about to turn around and point out that the tower was coming into sight. The outcome ended up with Manjyome lying on top of him, his face buried in Juudai's chest who was utterly dazed. Manjyome immediately leapt up and dusted himself off, looking haughtily in the other direction as if none of it ever happened. However, Juudai remained lying on the ground, wondering if the whole thing was some blissful dream until Manjyome screamed at him for being a 'lazy-ass dropout boy'.

That could have been the reason why Juudai didn't want to take the chance.

"So what's with this piece of crap, anyway?"

Or perhaps it had to do with the fact Juudai still wasn't sure how Manjyome would react to being told that his biggest rival was passionately in love with him. …yeah, that sounded just about right.

His head snapped up so quickly Juudai swore he heard his neck joints crack. Manjyome had taken out his letter and was carelessly toying with the folded paper between his fingers. Juudai's cheeks couldn't turn any redder if somebody smashed a tomato on his face. Why did Manjyome have to take that out _now_? Hadn't Juudai specifically informed him to read it once he was in his _own room_?

"Oh, umm…stuff." His eyebrows knitted together in worry. "Can you put that away?"

Manjyome looked as if he was about to punch the other boy for ordering him around but he slipped the letter back into his pocket much to Juudai's relief.

"There. I put it away," he grumbled. He looked at Juudai again. "Now tell me specifically what was in that piece of paper?"

Juudai wondered if the heavens were torturing him on purpose. Why couldn't Manjyome drop the subject already? He couldn't hold his gaze with Manjyome so he glanced to his left and shut close his eyes, vaguely hoping that the black-haired boy couldn't see his embarrassed facial expression.

"Err…I was just…uh…thinking about the new school year and things…yeah…and our previous duels…and…"

Juudai peeked at Manjyome through his lashes; he was looking unimpressed. Manjyome raised a thin brow in which Juudai opened both eyes and cast his gaze to his feet. This was so awkward and the conversation wasn't getting anywhere. He had to salvage this somehow. Out of the blue, his finger shot at the sky.

"…Shou said it would be beautiful but I don't see anything!" he protested, attempting to draw Manjyome's attention to another subject. "No stars, no nothing! All there is are some boring clouds in the sky! Where's the moon anyway?"

He grinned sheepishly at the other boy. Manjyome didn't return the smile. He crossed his arms and gave him a petulant glare.

"Is there something you need to tell me that I really don't want to know?" he demanded warily.

_Yes,_ was the immediate answer in Juudai's mind. However, his mouth was glued shut. He grin grew wider and he closed his eyes, rubbing the back of his head in a sort of uncomfortable manner. "Uh…"

"Answer me," Manjyome snapped with a bite of impatience. He shot another glare at Juudai, making him draw back a bit. The brunette swallowed.

"…there's nothing I want to tell you," he finally lied.

_Except that I'm madly in love with you and that I can't stop blushing every time you're around. Yeah, that's the truth. Deal with it. I didn't mean to fall for you, but then again, I didn't mean a lot of things to happen. I don't even know if I truly love you yet. _

Juudai lost his smile.

_You always tell me how much you hate me…and…I'm afraid you're not kidding around. I'm afraid you really **do **hate me. I don't want to spill my feelings to you if all you're going to do is to laugh in my face or get angry or even hurt me for loving you! _

His frown grew wider.

_You're also in love with Asuka and judging from that love duel, you were more serious about her than I have ever seen you in your life! So to benefit both of us, I think it's best if we just be friends and leave it at that. Yeah. That's the best solution, right?_ _After all, I don't even know what real love is! I love dueling! Funny, isn't it? _

It wasn't funny at all. It hurt. That speech of his even sounded stupid in his head; Juudai swore to never say any of those words out loud. Any of them. Juudai glanced at Manjyome again and flashed him another shaky grin, continuing his train of thought down a different path that didn't involve romance.

"…except that…um…we should duel sometime soon." He laughed unsteadily. "You know, just to test our skills and how much we've improved, heh…" Juudai trailed off.

The words 'love duel' flashed in his head and Juudai inwardly smacked himself. This was Fubuki's fault for planting the seeds of twisted romance in his head. Why did everything have to remind him of his feelings for Manjyome? He was just trying to get rid of it now! Juudai continued grinning too the point where his cheek muscles began to ache but he just couldn't let Manjyome see through his happy façade. It would cause too many complications and the truth was, neither of them was in any position to be distracted from their dueling. Dueling was the most important thing.

It was.

It **was**.

…or at least it was to the others.

Juudai didn't know what dueling meant to him anymore. But he did know one thing. He had to keep smiling. "Hehe. Well, what do you say, Manjyome?"

Manjyome eyed him distrustfully for a few moments. "First of all, it's –san, dropout boy," he stated waspishly, making Juudai flinched from his harsh tone. "Secondly…" Manjyome paused. He straightened out his trenchcoat and laid his back to the ground, his voice growing softer as he finished his sentence with, "…yeah, I guess we should duel sometime." There was another pause. "Thirdly, tonight's the new moon," he grunted. "You're not supposed to _see _anything during the new moon."

Relief filled his heart. So Manjyome wasn't angry after all. _Now what did he say about the new moon?_ Hearing this piece of information intrigued Juudai. He momentarily forgot about his romantic troubles and glanced at the youngest of the Manjyome group curiously. "A new moon? What happened to the old moon?" he asked blankly.

Under normal circumstances, Manjyome would have shot a nasty glare at Juudai and called him an imbecile for asking such a stupid question. But this time, he merely let it slide. "It died and was reborn from the depths of hell," he answered quietly. "The new moon symbols rebirth."

He placed his arms behind his head.

"A new beginning."

Both eyes closed.

"A new chance at beating you."

Manjyome rolled over so that his back was facing the other boy. Because of this, Manjyome didn't see his facial expression half-shadowed with darkness, the remaining half unearthing only sadness as Juudai's gaze locked on the endless sky. The words echoed forlornly in his head. He would have never even written a letter to Manjyome if he knew this would have happened.

…_he really does hate me. Is that all I am to him?_ _Another stepping stone? _

"Manjyome," he spoke suddenly. "Do you only see me as…?"

Manjyome cracked open an eye.

"…as what? An annoying loser who wins his duels by pure luck?" he asked with a snort, not bothering to turn over. "Yeah, I do."

Juudai said nothing.

Maybe it was because he didn't know how to handle this situation or maybe it was because his brain stopped functioning after processing the meaning to those cold words. But whatever it was, it served to disquiet Manjyome. Juudai never did well when he used his brain too much—just look what happened to him during the graduation duel with Kaiser Ryou. The spiky-haired boy glanced at Juudai out of the corner of his eye.

"…hey, are you alrig—?"

Words ceased to come out of his mouth as Juudai suddenly climbed on top of him. Two slender fingers grasped his chin. His face was tilted upwards to be greeted with a pair of glassy brown eyes that unnerved Manjyome and shook him to the bone. Juudai's eyes held some warped, undefined emotion that merely didn't suit him. Neither of the two boys spoke for a few seconds. Manjyome's heart hammered loudly in his chest and his breathing grew shallower. What was he feeling? Why was he feeling this way? Juudai's unexpected stroke of daringness seemed to somehow excite him, yet Manjyome didn't like this feeling.

It was foreign to him. It somewhat…_disgusted_ him. He felt weak and submissive the way Juudai was pinning him to the ground…

It was when a thumb began to trace over his lower lip that Manjyome finally snapped out of his trance.

"What **are **you doing?" he demanded furiously. "Get off me!"

Juudai didn't reply nor did he let go. Instead, with that same glazed look in his eyes, he leaned down and filled the gap between their faces until their noses touched each other and their lips were inches apart…

…their lips…

_Gods no. _

Whatever common sense remained disappeared instantly as raw instinct took over. With a sharp jerk of his head, Manjyome wretched himself out of the other boy's grasp before their mouths joined. His hands grabbed both sides of Juudai's jacket collar and Manjyome yanked him forward to thrust his knee into his stomach. A few drops of spit came out of his mouth. Manjyome took this chance push him off and leap to his feet; he threw out his leg and kicked the other boy squarely in the side, making Juudai tumble over from the impact. This seemed to bring Juudai to his wits and he gasped, attempting to rise from the ground.

"…s…stop! I didn't know what overcame me! I didn't mean to—!"

Juudai cried out in pain as a foot came crashing down on his ribcage and forced him back against the cement floor. Onyx eyes narrowed into tiny slits and Manjyome bore his teeth viciously.

"The hell you didn't! I know what you just tried to do—you tried to kiss me, that's what! What's wrong with you?"

Manjyome applied more pressure onto his chest, forcing the breath out of him once again. Juudai felt as if his bones were about to shatter and his ribcage about to burst open. Brown pupils dilated and he felt whatever remaining breath was in his lungs dissipate.

"I s-swear I didn't—!"

But Manjyome would hear nothing of it. He lifted his foot off his chest, allowing Juudai a few precious milliseconds of air before seizing him by the front of his shirt and hauling him up into an upright position.

"**DON'T LIE**!" he roared into his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Juudai shook his head from side to side in a feeble manner that served to spark a flame of anger within Manjyome. The back of his hand whipped across Juudai's face; it would surely leave a bruise tomorrow. Still no reply. Another kick to the stomach. Another punch in the face. Manjyome continued beating him down until every blood vessel in his body had broken open even though his skin hadn't been penetrated once. But despite all of this, Juudai didn't make a single sound. Growling viciously, Manjyome hauled him higher into the air until…until…

…their faces were mere centimeters apart. Their mouths were so close to touching that the brunette could almost feel soft velvety lips brush against his own…just like a few minutes ago. The only difference was that Manjyome was the dominant one—though he was completely unaware to the irony of his actions.

"Now, for the last time," he stated in a deadly low voice. "Why did you try to kiss me? Were you trying to prove that you were better than me? That you were stronger? That you were _superior_? What is it? Huh, _huh_?"

Juudai could barely keep his eyes open, let alone answer. Every part of his body ached. He half-opened a single eyelid. "M…Manjyome…" was all he could utter.

For a second, white hot anger licked his insides, thrashing within him, just wanting to lash out—until Manjyome saw his eyes. The pure vulnerability in Juudai's normally cheerful eyes opened his own eyes to the truth. He had taken it too far. Suddenly, it seemed all so wrong. He shouldn't have beaten Juudai to this degree…it was immoral…_shameful_ to brutally crush somebody as innocent as Juudai like this. Juudai didn't really mean to really kiss him…Juudai didn't really love him or anything like that. How silly it was of him to think that somebody as naive as Juudai even knew how to love in the first place. All of it had just been an accident…but Manjyome had completely gone over the edge…he suddenly felt immensely _guilty_…

"…d-don't do this. I…"

What? Was Juudai speaking again? Wait. Why was he_…_why was he smiling?

"…I…love you, Manjyome."

_There. I've spilled my heart out at last. _

The broken smile on Juudai's face didn't last for long. Manjyome curled up a fist and lodged it in his stomach. His grinning face confronted with inexplicable pain and he crumpled wordlessly to the ground. Manjyome stood silently over him for a few moments before turning around and striding out of the lighthouse in a flash of black.

"It's –san da."


	2. Act II: Tears

Manjyome stared at the words. Fingers shaking, he forced himself to fold the letter back into a small rectangle. He pulled open the bedside drawer next to him and laid the letter in the corner of the compartment before slamming it shut. He sat, thinking. Then he pulled open the drawer again and, grabbing a heavy textbook from under his bed, piled it on top of the letter. He closed it tight.

It was dawn when Manjyome finally fell asleep.

* * *

"…and that's the last time we saw him-su! Aniki followed Manjyome-kun to the astronomy tower but he came back by **himself** and wouldn't tell me anything. He just gave me a really scary glare and didn't say another word for the rest of the night," Shou concluded with a sigh. "That's the entire story. Do you think he might have something to do with Aniki's disappearance?"

"Hmm. It's always possible. But we shouldn't point fingers at anybody until Juudai's safe. What we should do first is find Juudai," Asuka said.

"I'm worried about him." Kenzan looked up, his face anxious. "I would have never left last night if it meant Aniki wouldn't return-saurus!"

"It's not your fault," Misawa replied calmly to the fretting first-year. He glanced at the clock before looking back at Shou, Asuka, and Kenzan. "Listen. All we have left for the day is duel theory and then gym. We'll ask Ayukawa-sensei to let us out earlier to search for Juudai."

"That sounds like a plan-su!" Shou encouraged. Asuka crossed her arms and nodded.

Kenzan pumped a fist into the air. "We'll split up and search, search, search until we can't search no more-saurus!" he roared with a determined glint in his eye.

"…get off the table, Kenzan-kun."

"Meh."

"You're scaring people with your face."

"WHAT? I'll show you scary, da' don!"

Misawa watched Kenzan and Shou's bickering with indifference. He leaned over to Asuka, who still seemed to be in deep thought.

"There's no doubt in my mind that Juudai's at the astronomy tower," he muttered to her under his breath. He noticed the suspicious glare he was receiving from Asuka. "Trust me on this one. Juudai's at that tower and I have a bad feeling he's wounded. I understand you care about him as much as I do, but you won't be able to carry him that far."

Asuka eyed him for a moment longer before nodding. "Fine. But there's another thing that worries me that I want you to check out on." Her voice grew lower so that Kenzan and Shou couldn't hear her. "It's about Manjyome-kun. He knows more than he's letting on."

A pause. "I'll deal with him too."

* * *

Whether he drifted into unconsciousness from the pain, the stress, or perhaps the rejection and indignity, Juudai didn't know. What he did know was that the blackness in the sky had long since disappeared when his eyes were open again. He was still at the astronomy tower. Juudai never left, never moved so much as a finger after last night.

He came to one conclusion there and then: being conscious was _painful_.

Sleep's soft embrace was peaceful and wrapped him in a blanket of safety. Juudai could pretend nothing happened last night and drift away from his troubles without having to look back. But as the last strings of slumber drifted away from his mind, a torrent of images came rushing towards him. Their lips almost touching each other, Manjyome's livid expression, flashes of pain, bursts of white, an unwanted declaration…

Groggy, Juudai pushed himself up from the cold floor and rubbed his head. He had a pounding headache and every part of his body was either aching or bruised; he could feel one throbbing on his cheek. His stomach hurt and he felt like throwing up. Juudai tried to rise from the floor, only to drop to the ground again.

_Manjyome._

His name flashed in his mind over and over again.

_Manjyome._

_Manjyome._

**_Manjyome._**

The sun's rays entered the rectangular slot on the ceiling and shone onto his back. The heat made him realize that it wasn't just morning—it had to be late in the afternoon. How long had he slept?

Suddenly, footsteps came from behind him and the door creaked open. Juudai quickly looked up. Was Manjyome back? To his surprise, relief, and, perhaps, disappointment, it wasn't Manjyome but instead somebody else he hadn't expected seeing: Misawa.

"I thought I'd find you here."

_I was right all along_, Misawa thought to himself. _Juudai stayed at the astronomy tower all night._

Juudai refused to hold his gaze and looked down instead, brushing a hand across his eyes to get rid of the wetness clinging onto his eyelashes. "…hi."

Misawa kneeled down next to him and examined his condition. It was obvious that Juudai had been heavily beaten. There were purple and green bruises already forming around the visible areas of his skin. Yet at the same time, he saw evidence of neither cuts nor bloodshed.

"Are you alright?"

"Mm-hmm."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Realizing that the brown-eyed boy had no intention of moving from this spot, Misawa sat down next to him. He hugged his arms around his legs.

"Kenzan and Shou are worried about their Aniki who didn't return to his room last night and who didn't attend class this morning. Kenzan promised to never visit Kabayama again if it meant skipping dinner and having their Aniki be absent the next day. He thinks it's his fault their Aniki ran away."

His voice was gentle and didn't hold any sense of pressure or blame, but the way he repeated 'Aniki' made Juudai feel guilty all the same. It never occurred to him just how much his friends worried over his wellbeing until now. From the sound of it, his best friends were agonizing out of their minds because of his foolish blunder.

"I didn't want to see somebody today," he whispered.

"…what's that on your cheek?"

Juudai gasped. He quickly turned his head away, but Misawa placed a hand on his face and gently rotated his head towards him again. There was a large greenish-purple bruise on his cheek.

"Who did this to you?" he asked quietly, slipping his hand off the brunette's face. Juudai seemed to sense his uneasiness and shook his head frantically. Misawa's eyes narrowed. "…did Manjyome do this to you?" he asked again, this time his voice laced with a hint of silent threat.

"It wasn't his fault!" Juudai urged earnestly. "I took it too far last night and it scared him. I…I tried to kiss him. Then I told him…I…I…"

His name flashed in his head again. _Manjyome._

"…I loved him."

The word 'love' seemed to linger in the atmosphere longer than the actual sentence did itself. Silence echoed between the two. Then suddenly, it was as if something snapped because Juudai exploded from his reserved state into choked sobs.

"I don't understand, Misawa! What's happening to me? What am I doing? Why did I go as far as to tell Manjyome I love him? He hates me now, I just know of it…" He clamped his hands onto each side of his head and shut his eyes tightly, as if drowning out all sound and sight would help ease the pain. "I…remember that duel he had with Houzan-kun last week…and…I _hugged _him after he won that game. I don't know what happened, I just lost all control and…and…"

"I know," Misawa replied simply.

Juudai swallowed a hard lump in his throat and dropped his arms into his lap. He sighed, his shoulders heaving along with him. The gray-haired boy remained eerily silent, as if he were mulling over some things. Finally, he opened his mouth.

"I could help. I'm not terribly good with romance, but I could change Manjyome's mind about you. I just need to know how much you love him."

"So much…" Juudai whispered. "I would do anything to make him mine. But how could you possibly make Manjyome love me?"

He smiled cryptically. "I have my ways."

"Would you really?" he exclaimed. He jumped up in excitement, ignoring the screams of his aching joints. Gratitude rushed to Juudai's eyes. "Oh, gee, thanks, Misawa! You're a great friend."

"You should have Ayukawa-sensei give you an icepack," Misawa replied. "I would go with you but I have other things to do."

Juudai flashed him a shaky grin. "Alright, then…classes are already over for the day, right? I suppose I'll see you after dinner? Or maybe tomorrow morning?"

In other words, Juudai was asking him how quickly he could talk to Manjyome and get everything sorted out. But Juudai himself wasn't even aware he was asking that—it was his conscience speaking.

Misawa smiled. "We'll see."

* * *

Manjyome blew off a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his face. Class was over. The losers were somewhere else. He had absolutely nothing to do, so he had returned to his room and performed one of his most reclusive pastimes: reading. He licked his thumb and turned the corner of the page to reveal a fresh new passage in the book. It was oddly quiet in his room...perhaps too quiet. He hadn't been used to overwhelming silence since last night. Silence made his head spin because without anything to divert his thoughts, that same scene under the midnight sky replayed in his mind like a broken tape that wouldn't stop running.

Juudai's broken smile lingered fresh in his mind.

"_I…I love you Manjyome."_

Love? Juudai **loved **him? Had that idiot gone horrifically out of his MIND?

Then the image of Juudai was replaced by Asuka's face.

"_My love? My love is dueling and nothing more. I'm sorry that you have feelings for me, but I can't return something I never had in the first place. But you know, Manjyome-kun…I like having you around. Stay by my side for the time being, alright?"_

Asuka was a beauty beyond words and any man who caught a glimpse of her face would swoon on the spot. But it wasn't just her looks that made her attractive to him. Her confidence and constantly cool composure made him stare in awe. She never seemed to be ruffled by any situation. Manjyome just wasn't used to that; he had lived a life of clutter and chaos with his emotions always plunging up and crashing down like some demented roller coaster ride...and to see somebody else handle their troubles so calmly made him wonder exactly _what_ sort of omnipotent goddess was she.

Manjyome would stay by Asuka's side, and nothing would stop him from loving her. Not even Juudai.

"Why does he have to do this to me…? Doesn't he see I only love Tenjoin-kun?"

What Juudai had done still befuddled him. It angered him. It _scared_ him. The raven-haired boy shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. Where were his Ojamas to distract him from the numbness Juudai left? He glanced around and saw nobody in sight. He frowned. Something was wrong. Not that Manjyome actually complained about the lack of company, but it seemed unusual that his Ojamas hadn't popped out of his deck today. It had been a tradition for yellow, green, and black to float out of the card holder no matter how tightly he sealed it. Yet today, they seemed…missing. Manjyome abandoned his book and dug into the bed stand drawer for his cards. He laid the deck in the palm of his hand and tapped it with his forefinger.

"Hey. Come out, you bozos," he ordered.

There was no response. He tapped his deck again. Still no response. He let out an irritated sigh and tossed his cards on the mattress, ready to shout at them had it not been for another voice intruding on his seclusion.

"You know, talking to yourself is a sign of insanity."

Manjyome stiffened. He had forgotten to lock the door. He didn't even need to turn around to recognize that voice and know that Misawa Daichi was standing in the doorframe.

"Hello, Manjyome," he greeted, his tone lacking its usual friendliness.

Manjyome avoided looking at him and climbed back onto his bed. He opened the book, flicking through the pages in casual interest. "Take off your shoes," he ordered in a careless yet demanding tone. "I don't want any mud on the carpet."

He expected Misawa to comply and slip off his shoes without any protest. However, the Ra student continued to stand straight, his bitter facial expression never wavering for an instant. "I'm afraid I don't have to listen to you, Manjyome. Better yet, it's you who should listen to _me_."

His mental barriers immediately shot up. Manjyome no longer pretended to be absorbed in his book and calmly placed the reading material on the mattress. He rose to meet Misawa's challenge. "…what do you want?" he said softly.

"I need to talk to you."

Manjyome narrowed his eyes. "About?"

He took a step forward, draping an arm across his midriff and issuing a mocking bow. Misawa rose up from his bow and set his knuckles in his hip, his other arm outstretched as if requesting Manjyome to take his hand. "I'll be blunt. Juudai wants your body, so he's asked me to act as a sort of cupid for him." He paused, tilting his head to the side. "Come along, now. We shouldn't disappoint him."

At these words, Manjyome's eyes narrowed further. So this was Juudai's doing. It didn't bother him that he had asked Misawa to interfere, but moreover another reason a hundred times worse.

_He just wants me for my body. _

Manjyome shut his eyes.

_So this was just a game all along. He doesn't really love me. He doesn't even care about me. It was lust controlling his actions when he tried to kiss me. All those words he said before…at the tower…this stupid letter he wrote me…_

Where had the letter gone to?

…_it was all…it was all just a lie. He deserved every punch and kick I gave him. How could I have believed him for a second?_

His eyes snapped open, but this time it they didn't hold any uncertainty or doubt. They were cold and hardened in a way so that the color resembled rock. "Leave now, or you'll leave later with all your bones broken," Manjyome snarled, his voice laced with a threat he wasn't afraid to carry out. "And tell that scumbag I'll see to it personally that he'll walk in a limp for the rest of his life."

Misawa smirked. In a blink of the eye, he had shoved Manjyome onto the mattress, pushed against the wall in an awkward and humiliating pose. Misawa's hands pressed against the other boy's inner thighs and pulled his slender legs apart. Manjyome thrashed around violently, but Misawa only responded by licking his lips before diving in and capturing him in a bruising kiss. He thrust his tongue into his victim's mouth, exploring at his will.

Manjyome made a desperate attempt to bite him, forcing Misawa to retaliate by digging sharp nails into his crotch and squeezing it. He yelped in surprise, opening his mouth even wider for Misawa. After a minute of this torture, his assailant finally broke off the kiss, leaving Manjyome in a state of shock and pain.

"Now. What was that you were saying about breaking my bones?"

This brought him back to his senses. Manjyome stared at him in disgust and attempted to lash out at his face, but Misawa caught his fist in time. Thinking quickly, Misawa tore off a piece of the white linen sheet they were sitting on and fastened the other boy's wrist to the bedpost with a tight knot. Manjyome immediately lost his defiant nature. He stared at his bound wrist before looking at his captor in horror. It was then that the full impact of the situation hit him.

He wasn't going to get out of this room unscathed.

Misawa took this opportunity to grasp his other wrist and secure it to the same bedpost. Manjyome was now completely defenseless and vulnerable to any attacks he felt like issuing.

"It's always fists over philosophies with your types," he said in a disapproving manner. He paused, and his smirk widened. "But…I admit, you're quite attractive when you try to resist me. I'll have fun breaking you," he sneered silkily, tracing a finger around Manjyome's jawline. "I can see why Juudai took an interest in you."

Misawa began fiddling with the buckle on his belt. Manjyome was staring at him with an expression that looked completely foreign—fear. This was just what Misawa had wanted.

_My domination over you will be sweet, Manjyome._

"Love hurts, doesn't it?"

* * *

Juudai rubbed his arm gingerly. The bruise still stung rather badly though the overall pain had died down. Asuka, Shou, and Kenzan had all been nice and Ayukawa-sensei had given him an icepack to hold—but in the end, he decided to return to his room. He promised his friends he'd be alright and that he'd visit them once he settled down and…well…sorted out his feelings. Hopefully, Misawa was good at talking and Manjyome was willing to listen. Juudai trotted up the steps and stopped just outside the door to his room. He blinked. It was ajar. He pushed the door open and peeked in.

"Who's there?" Someone familiar caught his eye. "Misawa, what i—?"

Juudai stopped at the sight before him.

Misawa was sitting coolly on a chair with his legs propped up on the desk. He was clutching what looked like a metal chain in his hand. Juudai's gaze trailed down the path of the chain until it ended at a leather collar fastened around the base of the neck, cutting into pale white skin. _Manjyome's_ skin.

Manjyome was kneeling on the ground in a state of submission Juudai had never seen him in before. He refused to look at the brunette and, instead, had his eyes fastened on the carpet out of humiliation. His arms were bound behind his back and he was gagged from talking by a thin strip of cloth.

"Cheers, Juudai," Misawa smiled, flicking a hand in casual greeting.

Juudai couldn't understand why he was being so calm. Manjyome was kneeling on the floor, bound and gagged and being treated like a _slave_…and all Misawa could do was smile and wave at him? Was this his idea of some twisted joke?

"Misawa…what did you…what did you do to him?" he whispered.

"I only broke him so that he would be more convenient for you to use," he explained, waving his hand. "If you wanted unused goods, you should have specified—though he's probably already been used, anyway. But don't worry, he's still good! See!"

He ignored Juudai's pleas and turned his attention to his bound captive instead. Misawa kneeled down and cupped Manjyome's chin with his hand. He gazed at the black-haired boy, who, in return, shot him the nastiest look he could muster. Had it not being for the cloth wrapped around his head, Manjyome would surely have spat in his face. Misawa found this rebellious behavior amusing. He yanked at the leash hard, watching in amusement as Manjyome jerked his head back and yelped in pain before shuddering when a cold hand rested on his inner thigh. Black pupils widened. Pictures of what had happened mere hours ago flashed in his head…

"Stop that!"

Misawa looked up with a sharp glare.

Juudai had changed from being timid and hesitant to icy and threatening within a matter of seconds. He took a menacing step forward, his fists clenched tightly as his sides and eyes blazed with fury Misawa hadn't seen since their last duel. For a moment, Misawa looked as if he was about to tell the brunette to shove it. But the moment came and went, and Misawa complied and backed away from Manjyome, though looking a bit miffed.

"…of course." He forced a polite smile onto his face. "I stepped out of line. He's your toy, after all."

Juudai started. He lost his steely look and blinked, that same old boyish confusion appearing in his eyes again. He shook his head rapidly and waved his hands in front of him. "No, no! It's not like that—I didn't—I never wanted…"

Misawa continued to smile, though this time it was more of a smirk than anything else. "I think it's time for me to take my leave."

He tossed the leash to Juudai, who barely caught it out of surprise, and turned around to leave the room. The thump of the door closing reverberated through the room.

Silence.

He wasn't used to silence.

Juudai sank to his knees. He couldn't think, he could barely breathe. What _happened_? He was desperate to have that question answered. Maybe if he heard the full details of the situation, he could forget the thought of Misawa being disturbingly evil and doing immoral things to Manjyome. His heart overrode everything else and he did the first logical thing that came to mind—untie Manjyome. But, shockingly enough, it was a harder task than imagined. His hands were numb and his fingers were frozen. He covered his head with his arms.

"Manjyome, I didn't—_I'm sorry_—I swear I didn't ask for this, I really didn't, I _didn't_…"

He continued to babble incoherently until he heard an annoyed grunt from the boy in front of him. Manjyome merely glared at Juudai until the other boy slid the cloth off.

"…you're a sick bastard," were the first words that came out. Manjyome spat it out like poison, his voice dripping with malice. "A sick, twisted bastard."

It was then that hope soared in Juudai's heart. Manjyome was alright.

There was no doubt Manjyome was angry at him, but Juudai could deal with that. He could deal with being punched and kicked again, he could deal with cruel words, and he could even deal with his heart being broken in two as long as it meant that Manjyome was fine—and he looked perfectly fine. Despite being a bit disheveled, Manjyome was still healthy. There were no bruises, no broken bones, and it didn't look like he was bleeding anywhere. Best of all, he still had that fiery, petulant look in his eyes that never once showed signs of weakness or submission.

Manjyome Thunder was alright. Manjyome Thunder never gave up.

The onyx-eyed boy struggled to stand up only to fall down again from what seemed to be a lack of strength. Nonetheless, he continued to glare at Juudai with eyes that held endless depths of pure hatred. Juudai didn't care. Manjyome had always hated him so why was it different this time?

"M-Manjyome…" He broke into a relieved smile.

"What the_ fuck_ are you smiling for?" Manjyome snarled.

The harsh curse words bounced off of him. Juudai was still shrouded in that veil of utter relief that Manjyome was fine. Nothing bad had happened and that's all that mattered right now.

"Nothing…I'm just…I'm just glad you're alright." Juudai widened his friendly smile a bit. He reached out to pull the collar off.

That was when Manjyome bit his hand.

Juudai winced as teeth sunk into flesh. He immediately withdrew, staring in confusion as beads of shining crimson leaked out of the cut. He looked up at Manjyome, hurt.

"I'M NOT ALRIGHT, YOU FUCKING SENSELESS TWIT."

"Manjyome…"

"I can't believe I chased after you, that at one time I respected you as a rival. I never thought you would sink this low to hurt your opponents in such a way. Your preaching on friendship and having fun—here's what I think of it now!"

Manjyome spat in his face. Juudai winced again and gingerly wiped off the gob of saliva from his face.

"Manjyome…what are you trying to say?" he whispered.

"Don't fucking play with me." His breathing became hard and ragged; his chest rose and deflated at a rapid pace. "You know very well what he did to me."

Suspicions crept up and Juudai found his relief dissolving like smoke into air. "…look, I understand you're angry—"

"_Angry_? You think that's all I am? I'll kill you—!"

"But he said—"

Apparently, those were the wrong words to say because Manjyome exploded.

"—he said? He _SAID_? You're going to believe what happened based on what that bastard said? Then hear what I have to say! He raped me, that's what happened! He fucking raped me and he enjoyed every fucking moment of it! Now do you believe him over me?"

"He didn't…he couldn't have…"

But Juudai knew he could find no excuse for Misawa when tears trickled down pale cheeks. Wait, no, that was impossible! Manjyome didn't cry—he _never_ cried. He was the most determined, strong-willed person Juudai knew, and behind that cold and arrogant façade was a passionate, indomitable soul that would never back down or give up no matter what the odds were.

Manjyome was crying.

It was then that Juudai knew something was wrong.

He swallowed and stroked Manjyome's cheek as if to make sure he was actually crying. He pulled back his hand. On his fingertips was a warm wetness. Manjyome was _crying._

No.

No.

**No. **

Juudai stumbled back and shook his head repeatedly. The word kept coming out of his mouth over and over again. There was no stopping it; his brain stopped functioning. The unwavering resolve that he had always seen in Manjyome's eyes was dying like the flickering flames in a deserted fireplace.

"…I'm tired, Juudai…I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying my hardest and still end up being a loser. I'm tired of challenging you, challenging Misawa and Asuka and everybody else only to be pushed down and have my dignity stripped bare. I've been crushed below everybody's foot at least once, only to get up again because I thought if I tried enough times, I could _win_ for once in my life."

_Manjyome. _

"But… I've realized now that the phoenix can only be reborn so many times. I've decided to stay in hell now…so fuck off…and let me rot in peace…"

White. All he could see was white. Juudai was in so much shock he could barely sit upright any longer; his vision was spinning and he felt faint. Was this a dream? The reality was just too much to handle. The reality was _sickening_ and, and _nauseating _and utterly…real. It was impossible to deny that any of this was real. Juudai wanted to slap himself on the cheek to test his actual consciousness and then maybe close his eyes and count to ten to send him back to dreamland so hopefully he would wake up tomorrow and see Manjyome steal his shrimp off his breakfast plate in the way only Manjyome could…

But in the back of his mind that lone voice of truth spoke up. _This was actually happening._

Those onyx eyes told it all—Manjyome was _dying_. Not physically, but emotionally… Tears welled up and Juudai jerked his head to the side; then he watched as the remaining particles of life drained away. Juudai couldn't say anything. He couldn't think about anything. All he could do was crawl forward and wrap his arms around the boy he loved and unwillingly hurt before breaking down into tears.

"_I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry_…"

He repeated that phrase over and over and over again until the crickets stopped chirping and it was late in the night and all Juudai could see outside was pitch black. Pitch black like his heart.

Even after hours of crying, nothing changed.


End file.
